i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
