Can Purell be used as lube?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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