I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
