Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
