just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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