i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
