She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
