I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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