I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we're making bets on your personal life
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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