why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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