Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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