The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
