I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
