11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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