miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
