She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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