She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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