So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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