Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
