She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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