my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
