My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
