your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
