Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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