I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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