How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
