Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
