i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
