keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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