It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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