I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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