oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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