Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
