My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
