so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
