Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
