420 ftw
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
