my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
