Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
