(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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