You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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