my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
