Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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