I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
