i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
