Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
