i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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