I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
