is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Randomize
