So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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