If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
