You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
